Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Let us count the ways!  This list is dedicated to those Germans who think their sh*t don't stink.  You know who they are: always complaining about America, while conveniently forgetting that Germany has its faults too.  I have been all over the world, and have lived in Germany and America, and let me say from the outset that I love both countries, but neither country is perfect.  But Germany...get ready to be roasted!  This list is in no particular order, and all comments and debates are of course welcome.

1. The business and entrepreneurship climate is much better in America.  There is much less red tape and a much lower corporate and business tax in America.  America is the true "Land of Opportunity"!

2. America is much more innovative in the world of sports than Germany.  Not only did America invent three major sports, but most fitness and sports trends of the 20th and 21st centuries originated in America.

3. Health care quality is much higher and more advanced in America.  Why do you think so many foreign rich folks go there for treatment when it really counts?

4. America has much more balls dealing with global problems than Germany.  Germany sits back, complains, and does nothing while America does all the work.  Germany is quick to ask for help, but complains when America intervenes when it is not in the German interest.  America took the lead in places like Bosnia, Kosovo, Somalia, Haiti, and Japan.  Hell, Bosnia and Kosovo happened on Germany's continent and they still needed American intervention!

5. Per capita, the spirit of volunteerism and humanitarian aid is much higher in America than Germany.

6. For the last hundred years, far more fashion trends have originated in America than in Germany.  Especially youth fashions have mostly originated in America and been simply copied in Germany.

7. Most musical trends of the 20th and 21st centuries have originated in America, while Germany simply clones them.  Some say that Germany invented trance/techno, but even that is debatable as Detroit techno started way back in the 70s.

8. America has much better films than Germany.  Yes, there is a lot of trash, but also a lot of brilliance.  If Germany could just get out of the habit of making endless movies about WWII or the Cold War...

9. American TV shows are much better than in Germany.  The variety in American television is staggering, while Germany simply copies what has worked in America.

10. Income tax much lower in America.

11. Gasoline prices much lower in America.

12. America is much more innovative than Germany, as seen in the per capita number of patents.

13. America has many more world class museums than Germany, and also a larger variety.

14. The laid back and friendly culture of America is generally envied.  Germans are much more grumpy and aloof.

15.  There is much more natural variety in America than in Germany.  From the tropical to the arctic, and from 6.200m mountains to 3 oceans - the natural treasures of America are staggering and totally eclipse Germany!

16. Americans have a much better sense of humor than Germans.  Do Germans even have a sense of humor?

17. America has a much larger variety of housing and building styles than Germany.  If you like looking at endless white stucco houses with red or brown shingle roofs...then by all means, go to Germany!

18. There are many more German immigrants in America than vice versa.  There must be a reason...

19. The consumer culture is at its pinnacle in America - the customer is literally king!  The legendary customer service, the giant stores, supermarkets, and drugstores with their 24-hour-a-day shopping - Germany is simply left behind in this department.

20. The business culture is much more relaxed and informal in America than in Germany.

21. Americans are truly much more patriotic than Germans.  They have a genuine love for their country, in spite of its flaws, and the American flag can be seen everywhere.  The only time Germans are patriotic is during international soccer matches!

22. Less literary censorship in America than in Germany.

23. America has had over 237 straight years of stable democracy, while Germany has had a very tumultuous recent history.  America has been a country almost a hundred years longer than Germany, so you could say America is older than Germany!

24. America has a much more logical and effective interstate highway system than Germany.  America uses exit numbers and compass-point highway directions, which makes for much easier navigation.

25. America has lower speed limits on highways than Germany, while Germany has no speed limits.  So tell me: which country is greener in this respect?

26. America has population growth, while Germany has population decline.

27. America is a much, much more multicultural country than Germany.  America is the true melting pot.  Whites, blacks, Asians, Native Americans, and Hispanics - and combinations thereof - all following the American Dream!

28. American English is much more pleasant to the ear than High German - ask any foreigner!

29. Flying privately and getting your pilot's license is much cheaper than in Germany.  And American airspace is generally less constricted than German airspace.

30. Americans use predominantly English words, while Germans use an alarming amount of English words in their German - a disgusting trend of language erosion!

31. American youth sets their own tone, while German youth simply copy the Americans.

32. America has much better beaches than Germany.  German beaches are depressing!

33. Driver's education is generally free in America, not so in Germany.

34. The driver's age is generally 2 years less than in Germany, and a driver's license is much cheaper.

35. America generally has cheaper consumer goods than Germany.

36. America has many more world-class academic and research universities than Germany.

37. America is not nearly as crowded as Germany.

38. America has wider and straighter roads and streets than Germany, which makes for easier driving.

39. America's space program is the best in the world.  Germany doesn't even have its own space program!

40. In American restaurants, you generally get unlimited free refills on sodas, tea, and coffee, while in Germany you have to pay for each individual drink!

41. In America, you can turn "right on red" when driving.  This is a very logical traffic flow solution.  Germany does not have this allowance.

42. English is a much more internationally important language than German.

43. Germany owes its modern existence to America!  America virtually rebuilt Germany after WWII, and protected Germany during the Cold War.  Germans should think about this before criticizing America.

44. America has a much more fun culture and more and better amusement parks than Germany.

45. Americans are not as critical and cynical as Germans.

46. America has much more vibrant and diverse metropolitan areas than Germany.  Think Honolulu, Las Vegas, Orlando, San Francisco, Boston, Washington, Miami, Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York.  German cities are much more homogenous.

47. If Germans are so health-conscious, then why is the German smoking rate much higher than in America?

48. America has a much larger selection and higher quality of craft and micro beers than Germany.  And as far as wine, California alone makes a larger variety than all of Germany combined!

49. In general every-day life, America is vibrant and colorful while Germany is dreary and monotonous.

50. American housing has the genius of integrated closets, while in Germany closets must be bought and they take up space.

51. American housing has the comfort of central heating and cooling.  German housing generally doesn't have this.

52. Kitchen appliances and washers and dryers are generally included in American housing, while in Germany these items have to be bought or installed seperately.

53. America is much more green than Germany per capita in the following areas: public parks, golf courses, national forests, and national parks.

54. Americans are much more child-friendly than Germans.

55. America is the leader of the free world, and Germany follows America.  America is not perfect, but would you rather take your lead from Russia?  China?

56. A recent Gallup poll surveyed millions of people in 154 countries and asked if they could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?  By far the number one response was: America!  Now why is this?  The only European country in the top 5 was France!

57. Americans are more hygienic than Germans.  They shower more, and shave appropriate parts of their bodies more (especially women).

58. Boeing makes some of the best airliners in the world.  Germany doesn't even have its own airliner company.

59. No one goes to Germany to become famous...they go to America!

60. Different ethnicities and religious groups are much more integrated in America than in Germany.  Germany is more homogenous and xenophobic, with ethnic and religious minorities much less integrated.

61. American dog owners pick up their dogs' sh*t much more than Germans do.

62. America has more individuality than Germany.

63. American children get 12 years of cumpulsory education, while German non-college bound children only get 9-10 years.

64. In Germany, you often have to pay to use a toilet.  In America, the toilet is always free.

65. The best porn in the world comes from America.

66. The only German internet suffix is .de; America has many like .com, .net, .gov, .mil, .org etc.

67. Americans vomit and urinate in the streets far less than Germans.

68. Americans are harder workers than Germans.

69. There is less graffiti in America than in Germany.

70. America has a much bigger, more advanced military than Germany.

71. American women are sexier due to population diversity, shaving, and personal hygiene.

72. American housing generally comes with integrated ceiling fans, while German housing doesn't.

73. American postal service picks up your mail right from your house; in Germany, you have to find a post box or post office.

74. Americans make better tourists than Germans.

75. Germany claims to be greener than America, but many of the most important green trends started in America, like the catalytic converter, unleaded gasoline, non-separating aluminum can tabs, and the solar cell.

...so suck on that, Germany!